First off before I get into how I've been feeling I just want to say I don't want to sound like I'm complaining in any way (even though I totally am) because I know everyone struggles with something during their pregnancy! However, this is my blog and where I document what's been going on in my life and I want to be raw and honest so when I look back and read it I can remember how I felt. Not only that, I want other girls who may have or will in the future go through HG to feel like they can turn to me. It's an awful thing to have, and people can make you feel awkward about it, like it's not real. I don't mean this to make anyone feel bad, because ANY morning sickness would suck! But Hyperemesis Gravidium isn't normal morning sickness. It just isn't. I'm 6 months pregnant and still throwing up 6+ times a day. When I'm not actually puking the nausea is debilitating. I KNOW there are people who have read my blog and have thought "She's totally being dramatic. Everyone gets sick." And I don't blame you for thinking that. I would honestly probably think the same thing had I not gone through HG myself.
HG has taught me a few things. 1. There are so many trials being fought behind closed doors that no one other than that person or close family knows about. Be kind and do your best to be understanding. It's hard because you're not in their shoes, but try to be understanding. 2. It has also taught me to be more genuine when I'm asking how someone is. Let's just say you can totally tell when someone is genuine vs. when they're not. And 3. Enjoy the good days. I do have some good days here and there. Which I am SO thankful for. I've learned to enjoy them, and not take them for granted. Even if it's something as simple as being able to eat a shake! I savor every good moment I have.
The last six months have been a true test for me. I have cried more than I ever have in my life, felt lonely, and felt straight up miserable more often than not. Watching TV is rarely an option because the motion makes me sick. I have gone 5 days at a time without eating anything other than water --more than once. It's the worst feeling when I get that sick because it's literally like I'm starving, but nothing will stay in my stomach. Food even tastes and looks good sometimes, but it comes right back up, sometimes 12 hours later. I don't know how else to describe it other than having the flu and food poisoning 24/7. I'm even up during the night throwing up--my poor poor husband.
I don't know why, but my body was obviously not made to be pregnant. It breaks my heart because I have always looked forward to having babies and being pregnant. And to be honest, I just can't wait for it to be over. Every day that passes is another day I have made it through and that's how I have to look at it.
On the other end of this "misery" is true joy! I have felt more joy, happiness, and gratitude than my heart has ever known. I have been loved by so many good friends. It's really opened my eyes to just how many people love me. Because I haven't been able to watch much TV during this I've often laid in bed and listened to conference talks, Mormon messages, the tabernacle choir, and inspirational podcasts. These have been a lifesaver for me! Collin will tease me because he'll come home to me in bed with music blaring and I'm just crying either from feeling so touched, or feeling so miserable.
Which leads me to my next thing. My marriage. It has never been so sound. I have never felt more love for Collin than I do now. I don't know if it's because I'm carrying his child or what! But the love he has shown for me while I've been sick is incredible. He has done the laundry, cleaned the house, catered to my every little need and listened to me cry and complain. I have no doubt in my mind he will make the best dad.
Once again, I don't want pity or people to think I'm seeking attention with this blog post. It's silly I feel like I have to say that, but I do. I simply want to share my story and experience while being pregnant because I know right now they feel like the hardest days, someday I'll look back on this and be SO thankful for these trials.
Onto what's been going on in our life other than this baby talk! We were able to enjoy the rodeo which is always a fun time of the year. It means summer is coming to an end and my ultimate favorite season is almost here.
FALL! I'm dying to wear sweaters, scarfs, and boots! The crisp fall air is something that makes me feel alive! Football games, holidays, all of it is just the best.
Collin is busy harvesting Barley this week. Soon it will be time for corn, our favorite!
I haven't worked much, but still go in when I can on my good days. I've been blessed with understanding bosses.
Our kitties are big enough to finally give away and that's been so sad! We have loved sitting outside with them for hours on end just playing and watching them. We are keeping one though! Collin is having a hard time decided which one though. He gets so attached! Even more so than me! He's my animal lover.
If you want a kitty, come to us!
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